The Britney-Anna dilemma

I am a rarity, a 20-year-old college student that actually enjoys watching the news. All news is important to me, so I watch local as well as national news networks such as CNN, MSNBC, and when I want to get a good laugh with my news, the Fox News Channel.

However, the Iraq war, global warming, the Darfurian genocide and the Iran nuclear situation are merely just footnotes to the real pressing topics of late: the death of a pole dancer and a fading pop star's decision to shave her head.

I'm sure Anna Nicole Smith was a very giving person and from the many who claim to have fathered her baby, I take this as a fact. But exactly what had she done in her lifetime to garner this much media attention? Sure, she helped many high school and college-aged males through some lonely nights but the only thing of historical significance she ever did was a 90-year-old oil executive.

The fact that people were surprised at her early exit surprised me even more. Prescription med's, alcohol and diet pills don't mix well. And stop comparing her to Marilyn Monroe — well, at least in a talent sense — because Marilyn Monroe's filmography did not include such dreg as Wasabi Tuna and Skyscraper. At least Monroe sung for Kennedy at his birthday party, while Smith sang for Bubba Earl at a Denny's.

By the way, who cares who the father of her baby is?

I'm gonna save everyone time and effort. If you slept with or woke up next to Anna Nicole Smith, even if it was in a dream, call Maury Povich. After all names have been entered and everyone has been swabbed, we'll find out in a one hour episode plus commercials.

And please leave Britney alone! All she did was shave her head. Big deal. It's not uncommon for a woman to shave her head. Sinead O'Connor did it before it was considered crazy, but maybe the same rules don't apply to her because she wore underwear and could actually sing. On nearly all broadcasts, local and national, they decided to use this as their top story and tried to get clever with it. "Britney Shears?" Oh, I see, she shaved her head with clippers, or shears rhymes with Spears. Haha haha.

Where was this same wit when our President decided to stay on vacation after hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast? Why weren't they calling him George W. Busch? Get it? It'll strike you eventually.

Why does the life of Anna Nicole Smith matter more than the lives being lost everyday, in the most unspeakable ways? Why does a woman's decision to shave her head supersede the fact that women in some countries must keep their heads covered when in the presence of men?

Wait, getting a little too preachy.

Amidst all this, I'll bet a lot of you didn't know Scooter Libby was on trial, did you? I bet you don't even know who Scooter Libby is, or why you should care.

In essence, this is my point. Real news is forced to take a backseat to rubbish everyday. So since no one else seems to care about world issues, why should I? Maybe I'm the problem since I don't see these recent events as news.

So if you'll excuse me, I promised Ms. Spears I'd give her an edge up. And most importantly, I need to call Maury.